Couples Counselling
It’s not you versus each other. It’s both of you versus the problem.
Relationships don’t usually struggle just because both people stopped caring. Sometimes you just get stuck in a pattern or way of relating that neither of you knows how to get out of.
When you keep having the same fightWe are rarely arguing about what we are actually arguing about
Sometimes the thing you are fighting about, isn’t the thing we are fighting about. There is always energy behind it that has gained momentum from micro hurts or hurt feelings. Things like being unheard or being criticised. It’s wanting reassurance but being met with a lecture. It’s feeling like you are doing more than your fair share but feeling resentful that your partner doesn’t recognise it.
Together, we will look at what we are actually arguing about to get to the root of the argument. We will gain better understanding of what is underneath it all in order to stop ourselves from sliding into the same cycles.
What brings couples to therapy?You don’t have to be on the brink to come in
Communication
When conversation turns into arguments, defensiveness or silence. Or you just don’t talk like you used to.
Intimacy
When physical or emotional closeness has become difficult to find.
Recurring Conflict
When you keep having the same fights that sometimes feel like they just don’t go anywhere.
Life Changes
When parenting, work, family, stress or even major transitions have changed the relationship.
Emotional Disconnection
When you still love each other, you just don’t connect or feel close like you used to before.
Understanding Each Other
When you keep missing each other’s cues, needs or intentions; even when you feel like you are trying real hard to understand.
Trust & Repair
When something has happened that changes the way you see each other or the relationship. These can be micro betrayals, small things that have added up over time, or even an affair.
How I Work With CouplesLess Keeping Score, and More Making Memories
My approach draws from the Gottman Method, as well as Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT). Being an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker with a background in trauma work, family therapy and foster care; I prefer an eclectic approach with my work. No couple is the same so no recipe for success is the same, so I like to have lots of potential avenues to go down.
I am also very mindful that as humans we carry a lot of things in our subconscious and that can affect how we relate to others and how we respond to certain issues, even if we don’t realise it. That’s why I also like to utilise trauma modalities in my work with couples, such as schema therapy and DBT, to support emotional regulation and various internal parts of you that may be affected by historical issues.
A Relationship Worth Working On